I have not taken any pictures of myself.

I know I need to and I know I'll regret it if I don't but I'm scared. I am scared to death of those photos not ever changing. I am scared to death that I will not lose any weight and there will be no 'after' photos.

It's silly, I know.

As of today I am down 25 pounds, or so says my scale. I still think it's messing with my head and weighing me wrong. I don't believe the numbers, not at all.

I have been having a lot of trouble getting my protien shakes down. The thought of drinking them makes me want to wretch. It's not that they taste bad, but I am so tired of them. I am entering my fourth week on nothing but liquids and it is definately getting to me. I can eat soft/pureed foods starting Wednesday and belive me, the list of 'approved' foods sounds like a buffet of delights compared to the liquid list of foods. How much soup can one person handle before her brain turns to soup?

I really don't feel like I had any surgery done at all. I know I get 'full' from two ounces of soup but it really doesn't feel full. Part of this is that my nerves are not reconnected yet and part of it is that my previous idea of full was WAY overfull: half a pizza, three bowls of pasta. I am drinking a lot of decaff hot tea with Splenda. I just got some vanilla hazlenut creamer to go in it. I measure it out so I am sure I'm not using too much.

I sort of wish I felt worse, so I had some real evidence of the surgery, other than this giant scar on my tummy.

ciao - 08 July 2005
Give Us Candor - 29 June 2005
Not even Johnny Depp is better than sleep - 26 June 2005
breathe - 25 June 2005
the joy of pepsi... or something - 22 June 2005

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