I have been really in a funk lately about this surgery. I got postponed until November or so, with an appointment to go see Dr. Zahn on 29 July.

I got really depressed and began questioning whether or not I should have this surgery. I got nervous about not being able to use food to medicate myself, I got nervous about the procedure (mostly I just don't think about that part as I know I'll freak myself out). I just flat out got scared.

And it finally hit me that I am just scared of change. I am scared to let go of this fat, this comfort, this security I have had for years and years. I am terrified of having to live my life.

I know that sounds totally bizzare.

I think I'm over it, though, and I know this is just something I have to do. Scary as it is, I have to do it.

ciao - 08 July 2005
Give Us Candor - 29 June 2005
Not even Johnny Depp is better than sleep - 26 June 2005
breathe - 25 June 2005
the joy of pepsi... or something - 22 June 2005

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