I'm back and I survived.

First of all let me say I haven't flown since long before 11 September so I was more nervous about being strip searched than safety from terrorists. I also had forgotten how much I love flying. Taking off in an airplane is just ... thrilling. I'm not ashamed to admit I sort of feel like a little kid on take off. Landing is a whole other story though. Landing is a leap of faith on the part of everyone in that aircraft. I am not real fond of the landing portion of the flight.

But everything went smoothly. I landed on Thursday and met a friend I have previously only known online. I was very nervous about that part, too, but it turned out better than I could have expected: we really hit it off and things were very comfortable. She was nice enough to feed me and let me stay in her house.

I had a seminar for two hours on Friday. The first part was conducted by two men who had the procedure done with the guy who will be my doctor, Dr. Zahn. Bob was 52, and went from 430 lbs. to 255 lbs. He was 2+ years post op. Danny was 35 (ish) and went from 425 lbs. to 177 lbs. He was 15 months post-op. Bob said he didn't exercise, but that he was the exception. Danny exercised a lot. He said he really enjoyed it because it was something he couldn't do when he was overweight. They both looked really great. Bob had a tummy tuck done but Danny has not had any plastic surgery.

Bob said he didn't have any food cravings after his surgery, no real psychological issues. But Danny admitted the first few weeks were really frustrating: he wanted to eat but couldn't. BUT he also said it wasn't a physical hunger: it was psychological. He wasn't hungry but he wanted to eat. He said that it did go away after the first 6 or 8 weeks simply because he relearned how to eat and found that a small amount of food was satisfying.

One thing they both stressed was sticking to the diet in the first few months. Both were adamant about avoiding sugar: they had both experienced the 'dumping syndrome where if you eat too much sugar it is absorbed so quickly into your bloodstream that you get nauseous, and have sweats and shaking. It passes in about 45 minutes and isn't harmful to your body but they both said it's so unpleasant that you'll really be careful to avoid sugar after 'dumping' once!

They also stressed avoiding alcohol and caffeine for the same reasons: it is so quickly absorbed that it hits you really hard. Alcohol won't be a problem for me but the caffeine will. Also no more carbonated beverages: all the gas in the carbonation can build up in your stomach and be really painful, plus it can stretch out the new smaller stomach, and that sort of voids the whole procedure.

Anyway, then Dr. Zahn came in and talked to us. I really liked him right away: he was very open and matter of fact about everything. He does an open roux-en-y procedure. The thing is pronounced 'rue in Y' which I mention only because I had no idea myself on how to pronounce it! He does an open procedure because he doesn't feel the laproscope allows him a clear view of the stomach and he feels he can do a better job on an open procedure. I was sort of surprised at that, but I feel it's best for him to decide what he's comfortable with so he can do a good job.

He also mentioned several times that this isn't a brain operation, it won't change your mind about food, that you have to do that. It's a tool, he kept saying. Also he was very open and honest about his success rates: he even talked about the patients he had who had died! 5 total: two suicides, one infection, and two blood clots (but both 4-6 months post op). I felt really reassured by his candor. The whole seminar wasn't a big advertisement: everyone was really honest about the risks vs. benefits and no one downplayed the major surgery portion of the whole thing.

I didn't get to meet with Dr. Zahn privately, I'll do that next time. The psychological testing was LONG but not hard. I met with the psychiatrist and she was really nice, too. BUT she told me I had to go do some behavior modification therapy for my binge eating before she'd approve me to see Dr. Zahn. At first I was really pissed about that but the more I thought about it the more I think she was right. She said she thought after the therapy (4 or 6 sessions) I'd be a great candidate, that my expectations are realistic but I need a plan on how I'm going to handle my *wanting* to binge. Because I guess you can totally stretch out the pouch and negate the surgery. I don't have any intentions of doing that! So I'm scheduling someone this week to start.

I'm looking at May for the procedure. I'm less nervous about the surgery itself since I met some people who had it done and since I got a feel for Dr. Zahn. I'm more concerned about coping afterwards but I still feel like this is the best choice for me.

Also I met some ladies from my town and several other women with the same insurance who are having the procedure done so we exchanged emails and phone numbers and are hoping to get together soon.

It was really freeing to be in a room of people who understood what I was feeling and going through. I have gotten a lot of positive reactions from people when I tell them that I am going to have this done. But now I'm starting to hear more snide comments from people who either don't get it or are too ignorant to consider that what worked for them or their husbands or wives isn't what has worked for me. I'm more selective about who I discuss this with now.

But I'm more conviced than ever that this is a good choice for me. I'm anxious to be on my way, but first I have to do those behavior mods.

ciao - 08 July 2005
Give Us Candor - 29 June 2005
Not even Johnny Depp is better than sleep - 26 June 2005
breathe - 25 June 2005
the joy of pepsi... or something - 22 June 2005

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